|with Friendly Harold™|
|Friendly Harold's Tip of the Week|
|"Hey you webmasters out there! Take advantage of Webscape's special proprietary features to spruce up that great website! It only works in Webscape, so you know it's the best!"|
The Friendly Mailbag
Well, folks, the Friendly Mailbag is just about bursting with letters, two in fact this week! One customer writes,
I've spoken with you on the phone, and I can confirm that you are a deranged retard. Your ignorance is repulsive. This is not a game, fat-ass, it's about trying to get a coherent answer out of the mindless drones that staff Webscape's pathetic support line. Do me a favor and blow your goddamn brains out.
Alright, fella, you've had some discouraging experiences getting your great Webscape browser to work--but no need to take it out on me. Sure, I have a weight problem, but it doesn't stop me from socializing and trying my hand at a little romance. I can assure you, even Friendly Harold gets lucky every now and then. Just last night HBO ran "The Male Bitches of Springfield Minimum Security Prison"! Hey, you might just find, like I did, that taking your mind off of your problems is the best way to go.
Our next letter hits a brighter note. The customer writes,
I hope you burn in hell.
Okay, this person has some issues to deal with, which is why I said it hits a brighter note. No problem is insurmountable--being overweight, not having any friends, suffering from compulsive masturbatory impulses--I can personally attest that each and every one of these problems can in theory be overcome.
One thing I'm not, though, is a negative person. I look on the bright side. Hey, if I don't have friends to go out with, that just means I have more time to better my technical abilities and read comic books!
If there is all I ask of any of my readers, it is to let me know that I am not alone here. Hey!
Friendly Fact Corner
Here are the latest true facts from me and my friend, PC Week's Charles Cooper.
|"When a Webscape technician tells you to do something, boy, you'd better do it, no questions asked. Don't get chewed out like I did when I called in."|
|"The best way to pick up chicks is follow them out of the library and ask them what they are reading. You also might find out where they live. Walk by a few times each day and pretend you just bumped into them. Needless to say, once you get a girl's name, use the Web to find out as much about her as possible."|
|"Webscape is the most advanced web browser of all. It uses pure 68-bit code, which protects it totally from viruses, which are only 30-bit."|
|"When applying Minoxidil to the scalp, use gentle, caressing movements. Loving attention is what your skin needs and demands. Also, genital creams are great for stimulating new hair growth--the results speak for themselves!"|
I think that's all for now. I'm not sure but I think it is.
Friendly Harold is a trademark of Webscape. When Friendly Harold turns 50, his plans are to enter cryogenic storage until scientists develop a cure for chronic squinting.