The Webscape® Internet™ Browser™ FAQ

On the advice of its attorneys, Webscape® does not stand behind any of the information in this document.

Q  I tried to visit the Webscape® web site to download the patches I need to get my Browser™ working. I get an error saying the web site cannot be found!

A  A new staff person accidentally deleted all the files at our web site. We hope to slowly rebuild the site over the next few months, possibly adding the patch files. For now, however, we advise you to download the Alpha of version 4.0 of our Browser™, which may or may not have fewer bugs than previous versions. It may be available at our new site.

Q  What is the status of Webscape® 3.0? Is it out of Beta?

A  After work on the 17th Beta of Webscape® 3.0 had been underway for several weeks, it was decided to scrap it and start work on the 4.0 Alpha. We deleted every trace of this project from our Computers™! Fortunately, the same great programming team is in place, with the exception of one member, Bill Lofton, who has left his position as Lead Programmer after being involved in a DWI that left three children dead and several bystanders seriously injured or crippled for life. Having been financially wiped out by a lawsuit concerning his conduct at the Happy Camper Day Care Center, Bill felt it was time to fully devote himself to the various legal challenges he is facing. Good luck, Bill!

Q  When I purchased WebScape®, I received a coupon promising a free copy of Microsoft Office 95. I got my CD in the mail yesterday, but there's nothing on it except a copy of Webscape® 3.0 Beta 8 and a directory full of nude GIF's!

A  Unfortunately, our plans to give away Microsoft Office 95 did not work out as we hoped. Our official position is that we were not aware that this product was made by another company. We don't know anything about the CD you received. But check it for viruses, just in case.

Q  After complaining about the poor service I received from a technician at WebScape®, I started getting disturbing phone calls from someone who was drunk or high or something. He has threatened my life. I'm scared, and want to know what to do.

A  Webscape® has fired this programmer/tech support guru. We don't know of his whereabouts, or if he plans to travel cross-country getting back at people he doesn't like. We don't have further comment regarding any of his behavior at WebScape. We will not confirm that he was an actual employee.

In a related matter, we learned that this alleged employee's supervisor has faked his own death, for reasons unknown. We have stopped the Webscape® fundraising drive on behalf of his family, and will not be giving any of the money to him, because he isn't dead.

Q  I have followed all the tips in your READ ME instructions, and still can't get Webscape® to run. I either want a working Browser™, or I want a refund!

A  Thanks for purchasing the Webscape® Browser™! Your $79.99 was well-spent because you will receive, for only a $29.99 handling charge, a FREE upgrade to version 4.0 if it is released. That's the Webscape® promise! No nude photos, no copies of Office 95, just a great Browser™ that does all sorts of interesting things!

Q  I use DriveSpace, and when I installed Webscape® my entire compressed drive was corrupted. What can I do?

A  You can reinstall every piece of software you own. That usually takes care of the problem. If you find another solution, let us know.

Some users may be upset to learn that they have lost all their data. Believe us, it is a very common experience. Sometimes we lose data daily. Backups are not the answer--they are too much of a hassle. Just don't keep important data on your Computer™! All of the crucial Webscape® customer files are kept on thousands and thousands of index cards.

Q  I was using the Webscape® Browser™ to view some files the other day. When I turned to look out the window, I saw a strange man peering in at me and masturbating. Are these two circumstances connected in some way?

A  On the advice of its attorneys, Webscape® declines to comment. Enjoy "surfing" the Internet™!

Q  I was Browsing™ the Internet™ with the Webscape® Browser™. Then I noticed that my modem was not transferring information the whole time, and in fact Webscape® was just reading files it had placed on my hard drive, most of which were cached web pages from several months ago.

A  In an effort to work around certain "bugs" in Webscape® 3 Beta 12, our programmers decided to copy hundreds and hundreds of web pages and install them in the Webscape® directory (the one you can't delete). "Surfing" the Internet™ was never so easy! Don't worry, we'll be releasing updated versions of all those files, to the tune of hundreds of megabytes, in our next Update™. All current Webscape® customers get this Update™ at a 5% discount! That covers a substantial portion of the $30 upgrade fee. Just think, you can use your modem for something else!

Q  A review said your Browser™ is buggy.

A  Yes. The web Browser™ market is very fast-paced, with product schedules much shorter than the six to ten years that we are accustomed to. So many of our programs, including our web Browser™, are no longer tested in any way, in order to speed up the development cycle. Webscape® is made up of millions of lines of code, and getting it all to work is virtually impossible. In addition, no planning is done as to which features to add--planning is also very time consuming--our programmers just write whatever they feel like. Because we encourage all of our programmers to do as much work at home as possible (to make more time for the very important development of a mission statement), we cannot swear that our software does not get heavily infected with viruses.

Q  There is a file in my Webscape® folder called "FFWEBXX1.~!~" that Windows says is 280 MB! I am running out of hard disk space!!! What is this file for?

A  Most of our programmers think that it is a cache file that stores all web pages, graphics, files, etc. that the user accesses. Other programmers disagree and think that parts of it contain program code, and other parts contain something else. A few of our programmers have no idea what it is and suggest deleting it to see what happens. Other programmers are just as confused, but suggest deleting other programs to allow Webscape® to have more disk space. You might also try upgrading to a larger hard drive.

Q  How do I turn off the cache (if that is what this file is)?

A  This feature is being planned for a future release. For now, we suggest deleting everything but Windows and Webscape® if you need more disk space. Other options include buying a bigger hard drive or not "surfing the web" so much.

Q  What is HTML 3.3™?

A  We decided to enhance the HTML 3.2 specification. The new tags are listed below.

<UPSIDE-DOWN> Makes the font display upside-down.
<ENCRYPT> "Encrypt's" the text enclosed in this tag by replacing all of it with random characters that cannot be deciphered. Looks KEWL!!!
<NO-UNDERLINE> Same as not specifying text as underlined.
<WWW> Doesn't really do anything. Some people think it makes the page load faster. That rumor didn't come from us.
<COMMA> Inserts a comma. Same as actually typing a comma. Can be abbreviated <,>.
<MARKY™> Inserts a marquee. The text in the marquee is hardcoded and cannot be changed. It reads "Webscape® Browser™ be like me."
<HI> Causes a dialog box to appear that says "Hi." Webscape® then crashes.

Q  When I try to run the program, I get a "DDE Failure: Program aborted" error message--with no OK or Cancel buttons.

A  Download™ the product Update™ patch from our web site.

Q  I Downloaded™ the patch. When I tried to install it, the machine froze and on boot-up Windows now says that the video driver is corrupt.

A  The Update™ patch incorrectly writes to the current video driver files, and also improperly calls several functions, which may result in instability on some systems. Reinstall the video drivers and Download™ PATCHFIX.EXE from our web site. Make sure it is the most recent version, which you can check by comparing file dates after you have Downloaded™ it.

Once you have run PATCHFIX.EXE, you can run the product Update™ patch.

Q  Nothing changed after installing the product Update™ patch. I still get the error.

A  After installing the product Update™ patch, you can bypass the error by pressing SHIFT+ESC on the keyboard.

Q  Pressing SHIFT+ESC doesn't do anything.

A  Several new programmers have joined the Webscape® team. Try the SHIFT+6, CTRL+T, SHIFT+ALT+F4, and CTRL+ALT+HOME key combinations. If none of these work, reinstall the program, the patch, and the patchfix into a different directory, but do not delete the older installation. Open the file PATCH4J.DLL in a hex editor and replace every instance of "FFA5" with zeroes.

(Note: If you are using an HP Vectra Pentium system, do NOT install PATCHFIX.EXE. Our programmers are currently working on a fix for the problem of corrupting the Flash BIOS on these systems.)

Q  I installed PATCHFIX.EXE on my HP Vectra Pentium system. The computer immediately froze and it no longer boots up. The PC speaker beeps repeatedly until I turn the computer off.

A  Do not install PATCHFIX.EXE. It will corrupt the Flash BIOS. Our programmers are working on a fix.

Q  Will the fix restore my HP Vectra Pentium system BIOS?

A  No one knows what the fix will do. Those interested in participating in the HP Vectra Pentium BIOS Flash Restore Fix Beta program can visit our web site for more information.

Q  All the files I Download™ using this Browser™ seem to be corrupt.

A  Congratulations on getting the Browser™ up and running. We hope you will have an enjoyable experience "surfing the web". Let all your friends know that you got our Browser™ up and running!

Because of some compression routines we tried out, most of the file Downloads™ are truncated or overwrite themselves. Hold down the SHIFT key during the Download™ to disable the special compression routines. If you still experience problems, hold down the SCROLL LOCK key as well to disable other compression routines that do not normally cause problems. Do not press the SPACE BAR during this time, as it causes the Browser™ to close and all file transfer sessions to stop.

Q  All the pages I visit take a long time to come up, and seem to stop halfway.

A  When we assembled the programming team for version 3 of the Webscape® Internet™ Browser™ (W®I™B™), we made some unfortunate choices. The programming team was divided over whether to write the Browser™ in Visual Basic or in assembly language. Webscape® chose to compromise. One part of the team, 7 people with a loose grasp of Visual Basic, worked on some components, while the other part of the team, one full-time and one part-time programmer who were encouraged by reading several magazine articles about assembly (and who were self-styled "HaCkeR d00dz"), created random program libraries, some of which were later used, others of which are currently being studied in source code form to find out if they actually do anything.

Our design philosophy has been to take daring risks, and we are willing to bet the farm on "unseasoned rookies" who might be passed over for employment by more conservative software companies.

Q  My Browser™ won't start up. I just receive an error "Invalid VXD or Missing Parameter 41 or Other Problem". When I called technical support, I was told that I had to delete my AUTOEXEC.BAT file. After I questioned doing this, the technician swore he would kill me and hung up. What should I do?

A  If your AUTOEXEC.BAT file contains a PATH statement, you must delete the file. No explanation is necessary for doing this, simply delete the file and see if Webscape® will run after that. This is covered under the Webscape® licensing agreement.

Q  We are participating in the Webscape® Corporate Beta program. We have received a box of 17 CDs. While it is true each CD contains a copy of your Browser™, the file dates indicate that these "Beta" releases are six months to two years old. In addition, one of the directories on the CDs contains approximately 40 MB of pornographic images.

A  Webscape® is presently developing several versions of its web Browser™ in an attempt to stay on top of ongoing developments in the web Browser™ market. It is not unusual for our programmers to tweak older versions and release them as Betas, as a part of this process. Our goal is to make sure that none of our Browsers™ is completely useless!

Q  I responded to a Webscape® ad that offered a free copy of Microsoft Office 95 Professional with the purchase of two Webscape® Browsers™. I received my two Browsers™, now where is my copy of Office?

A  We regret that our anticipated agreement with Microsoft to distribute "sample" copies of its software fell through. We are testing the waters for a new plan, which is to send users who responded to this ad a free copy of Novell Netware 4.1.

Please send all requests for more information to [email protected] One of our technical support people will reply when he gets the chance. We like to "surf the web" too!

To be included in the next FAQ: Our favorite links, corrections to information in this FAQ, and any new information that is gained between now and the time the next FAQ is written.

Webscape® is not liable for anything in this message, and is not bound by law to anything said by its technicians, customer support, management, or executives. The only legally binding transaction is the transfer of funds to Webscape® from customers.